


Like A Phoenix Rising

by Eternal Scribe (Shadowcat)



Category: Primeval
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-18
Updated: 2011-11-18
Packaged: 2017-10-26 06:22:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/279703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowcat/pseuds/Eternal%20Scribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had almost killed her to walk away from him and go back through that doorway into her world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like A Phoenix Rising

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not even sure where this idea came from as this isn't what I had planned to write when I heard the song. Keep in mind that I have not seen Series 5, yet, but I have been sort of spoiled about a few things. Also, I know that the third section is in a different tense than the rest of the fic, but the muses wouldn't let me change the tense of any of the sections to make it all match.
> 
> Written for the song!fic challenge at primeval_vsx on LiveJournal
> 
> Song used was [You Are The Moon - The Hush Sound](http://youtu.be/W-giyjfthXA)

_Shadows all around you as you surface from the dark  
Emerging from the gentle grip of night's unfolding arms  
Darkness, darkness everywhere, do you feel all alone?  
The subtle grace of gravity, the heavy weight of stone_

 

It had almost killed her to walk away from him and go back through that doorway into her world. She loved him and knew he loved her, but nothing could distract him from his purpose in this time. A time not his own. While she understood his dedication and his need to focus on his duties, she could not understand why he wouldn't see that she could be an asset to him. A burden shared was a burden that was made easier on the heart and mind.

He didn't even consider that and in her pride, she couldn't bring herself to tell him that she could help him in finding the answers. The last thing she wanted to do was return to a time where she was unhappy with her life and where she had never fit in -- even before she had walked through the first glowing tunnel. The last thing she wanted to do was leave him and the people she had grown to like and even care for in her short time here. However, he wasn't giving her a choice to say no and she wouldn't stay where she was so obviously unwanted.

And so, she forced herself to walk forward and away from him and the things that she liked about this world. With each step she took, she hoped to hear his voice saying her name and calling her back to his side. She kept her shoulder straight and kept swallowing, doing her best to keep up a brave front in case someone appeared in front of her at the end of this. She wouldn't suddenly appear out of thin air looking hysterical or crazed. Even after everything she had seen and done, her upbringing was too ingrained into her.

It wasn't until the anomaly closed that she turned to look back at where she had come from and let the tears slide down her face. He had never said a word and now they wouldn't get that chance that she had so hoped for.

"Goodbye, Matt."

 

 _You don't see what you possess, a beauty calm and clear  
It floods the sky and blurs the darkness like a chandelier  
All the light that you possess is skewed by lakes and seas  
The shattered surface, so imperfect, is all that you believe_

 

He thought that he would be able to concentrate better on everything in this time if he sent her away. When she had been used as a hostage by Ethan, the only thing that he had been able to think about was what would happen if he lost her like he had lost everyone else. If she died in this time because of someone else's actions, he just wouldn't be able to handle it. It would be like the sun had gone out in his life. He had proven he could survive without oxygen, he didn't think he could survive without the sun.

So he made the decision to send her home, and it was a decision that he thought would be best for them both. She would be alive to live her own life, and he could find and stop the person the destroyed his future. With no distractions, he could do what needed to be done -- no matter what it was. He would safeguard the future for many generations beyond his. Her descendants would have a clean and living world to exist in.

He didn't count on how dark his life would seem without her near him. He didn't factor in the fact that other people had been affected by her presence and would be heartbroken to have her gone.

It wasn't until he asked Abby to keep his secrets and spy on Connor that he realized just how many lives he and his secrets were impacting. There was something in her eyes that he had only seen in the mirror sometimes when he forced himself to look into it.

"Abby?"

"Sometimes you find that you don't belong in your own world when you come back to it," she said in her quiet voice. "You get back to the place you left and realize that there isn't any place for you. I've felt that every day since we came back from the Cretaceous. I don't feel like I belong anywhere any longer and yet I'm really good at pretending."

"You belong here, this is your home -- your world."

"And yet, I'm spying on Connor so that you can stop him from destroying your world -- even though the Connor we all know could never do something so horrendous and destructive."

"Abby, I --" He didn't know what to say.

"Emily would have understood," she said softly. She gave him a sad look and then walked away.

Her words haunted him for what seemed like a long time.

 _Emily would have understood._

 

 _I will bring a mirror, so silver, so exact  
So precise and so pristine, a perfect pane of glass  
I will set the mirror up to face the blackened sky  
You will see your beauty every moment that you rise_

 

The world is on fire.

That's the best way that Matt can describe it as everything seems to explode around him. He hears Abby screaming and when her voice is joined by another who calls his name, he knows that maybe the end isn't such a bad thing after all.

From far away he hears his own voice telling him ... something. Something that he knows is important. However, he's not sure he wants to know. For the first time since his life started on this path, he doesn't _care_ what his mission is or what his mental voice keeps reminding him that he needs to do. He's suddenly tired of always sacrificing the things he wants and loves for duty and responsibility.

And as he feels himself falling, all he can think about is that he never got a chance to tell Emily that he loved her...

...when he is again aware of things going on around him, the ground feels different. The air isn't as stale as he remembered and there seems to be a cool breeze blowing.

"Is he all right?"

That beloved voice is tinged with a kind of fear that he's never heard in it before -- not even when she was the one in danger. He tries to lift his hand, but for some reason his body won't obey his brain and he's forced to lay there while the world continues on around him. It's something he's gotten used to in his life, but right now he doesn't like it one bit.

"He'll be fine, I promise." He recognizes Abby's voice and he's confused. What's going on? "Now, do it like I showed you. Breathe into him gently. We need to get his lungs working again."

He feels familiar lips on his and when he feels them, he can't help but respond to them. The kiss becomes less of a life saver and more of an affirmation.

He opens his eyes and when he sees hers looking down at him, he thinks that maybe everything will be all right after all.


End file.
